No road is long with good company………Turkish Proverb
The first national road was cleverly named “The National Road.” Of course, it couldn’t be a National Road until we were a Nation and in 1754 when the first shovels hit the dirt, we were a group of colonies.
The National Road is now a part of U.S. Route 40 and follows the route George Washington initially constructed in 1754 during the French and Indian War, which was the North American theater of The Seven Years War between Great Britan and France. While Washington began the project to connect to the West, he failed to gain any military successes over the French and their allies, the Algonquins. Washington was replaced by British commander Edward Braddock after he lost the Battle of Fort Necessity and was demoted to second in command. Yes, George Washington was part of the British army as we all remember from 4th grade, U.S History. Alas, things did not go well for poor Braddock. In late May 1755, Braddock’s corps began a 300-mile march west. Unfortunately, there were no Pilots or Loves, Rest Stops or Exxons or BPs, not even a Wawa, Cracker Barrel, or Days Inn, and nary a Port-O-San to be seen as the 145-mile first leg brought the force to Fort Cumberland, near what is now Cumberland, Maryland. Following Washington’s survey, Braddock had his men build a 12-foot-wide military road that would wind northwest around mountains and across rivers and creeks to get the soldiers near enough to Fort Duquesne, near present day Pittsburgh to lay siege and then attend a Steelers game. The British expected an easy victory but oy vey, did things go wrong. The egotistical Braddock had tired out his men building the road. They were exhausted after two months of highway construction which was unlike today’s highway construction which seems to last decades. I believe that the grandchildren of the present workers will be working on the same highway that we see being worked on today. But we digress. The two-months of heavy road work ended with Braddock’s overconfident and thoroughly worn-out force routed and Braddock rendered dead after a defeat at the Battle of the Monongahela. To avoid having poor Edward’s corpse defiled by the enemy, Washington had Braddock buried in the roadbed, then marched troops and teams pulling wagons over the spot. No, you are no driving over what’s left of Braddock when you are Route 40. His remains, minus a few bones kept as souvenirs by the diggers who excavated him were moved to the Fort Necessity Battlefield just above Union Town Pa.
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”……Lewis Carroll.
The new nation was large and there was a need for a connection from east to west. It took 5 years of planning, and the National Road was officially begun in 1811 by modernizing the 115-mile run of Braddock’s Road from Cumberland, Maryland, into Pennsylvania, then cut a new route from Pittsburgh to Wheeling WV.
Even though it was the first interstate highway, we didn’t take the National Road to get from Hilton Head, SC to the Poconos - but if it wasn’t for a national road, we would have no other national roads and who knows what Jack Kerouac would have titled his book or what Willie Nelson could sing about being on.
That brings us, of course, to Dwight D. Eisenhower. On June 29, 1956, the 34th President (campaign slogan, “I Like Ike” in which he defeated Adlai E. Stevenson, “All the Way with Adlai”), and former Commander of the Allied Forces during WW II, signed legislation funding the construction of the U.S. Interstate Highway System (IHS). This was becoming a necessity onsidering that the number of cars on road was multiplying faster than you could say “fill her up please” - Average retail price for regular gas: $0.30 per gallon. "The old convoy had started me thinking about good, two-lane highways, but Germany had made me see the wisdom of broader ribbons across the land.”, said Ike. The interstate system was initially designed to serve three main purposes: to connect the principal metropolitan areas, cities, and industrial centers; to serve the national defense; and to connect at suitable border points with routes in Canada and Mexico. Eisenhower additionally stated four key principles of its construction, which remain to this day: to reduce fatalities and injuries; to keep the roads maintained and in good condition (no comment) to reduce vehicle operating costs (no comment); to permit a means of quick evacuation, military mobilization, and movement of goods; and to manage congestion (no comment).
Over a two-year period, Army trucks drove 17 million miles on the test roads. Some vehicles carried blocks of concrete to see how long a 24-ton truck would take to destroy roads and bridges. Highway building and maintenance standards were developed from the tests. The system was mostly completed by the 1990s, at a cost of more than $100 billion. We note that the New York City proposed budget for 2026 was $115.9 billion. The 41,000-mile system was designed to reach every city with a population of more than 100,000. There were some problems with municipalities as the planners thought it would be a great idea to just plow through some cities. For example, in the 1960s, Arizona state officials planned to run I-10 through the middle of downtown Phoenix. They designed a stack of access and egress ramps. For some reason the locals opposed the design and, in 1973, voted to stop the road’s construction. On the other hand, Robert Moses succeeded in building the Cross Bronx Expressway – I95- through the heart of the Bronx, effectively destroying neighborhoods and eventually the borough. His plans for a Lower Manhattan Expressway through the heart of Greenwich Village were thwarted by Jane Jacobs.
“All he needed was a wheel in his hand and four on the road.” …….Jack Kerouac
Alaska is the only US state without any Interstate highway routes.
How about those numbers of the highways? Pay attention, there may be a quiz at the end of this essay. Even numbers go East/West (I-90, I-10), and odd numbers go North/South (I-5, I-95). Think "Even" goes "East". Numbers increase towards the Northeast, which we know is the center of the Universe. I-5 is on the West coast, I-95 on the East coast. I-10 would be in Texas, I-90, yes, in Massachusetts. And the three digit highways? They are auxiliary interstates which connect to the primary ones. For example, 290 connects to 90, 495 connects to 95, etc. Odd prefixes (190) connect once into the city from the interstate ("spur"). Even prefixes, such as the parking lot known as 495 around Washington D.C, normally loop around a city. We said “normally”, since as with all man-made systems, there are exceptions…..and you’ll usually get lost on one.
On the road again
Goin’ places that I’ve never been
Seein’ things that I may never see again
And I can’t wait to get on the road again……..Willie Nelson
Winter does not thrill us anymore. Therefore, it is winter in Hilton Head for us. Our journey home after 10 weeks or so of non-winter begins with Spanish Moss on trees and ends with ice on trees. It encompasses the low country of South Carolina, hilly North Carolina, into Virgina right up the middle of the Shenandoah Valley with the Blue Ridge Mountains to the east and the Allegany Mountains to the West. West Virgina is gone before you can say “Maryland” and Maryland is gone before you can say “Susquehanna River” and onto the up and down roller coaster ride that is I81 in Pennsylvania. A right turn onto I80 (another interstate constant construction nightmare), past Hazleton and hints of things to come, Mountain Top and Mount Pocono. Yes, as Woodie Guthrie sang, “this land was made for you and me”. It is a beautiful country.
Google informs that this trip should be 13h 49 nonstop (854 mi) and it features several interstates, I95, I26, I77, I81, I80. Clearly the “I”s have it. It is not the fastest nor shortest route, but we will do anything to avoid hundreds of miles on the execrable mess that is I95. I95, the country’s most traveled road, spans nearly 2,000 miles from Florida to Maine to serve millions of people and now creating traffic jams in both directions that cost hours of time while supplying dozens of billboards telling you to visit Pedro’s South of the Border. The highway also travels along almost the same route that revolutionaries traveled during the American Revolution and takes about the same amount of time. Today it has today over 600 exits, almost 500 24/7 gas stations, and seemingly not nearly enough public rest stops. We wish to avoid I95 at all costs as we can on our journey north. So should you.
Basically, our planned route begins as we said, in Hilton Head Island South Carolina.
Local state roads and get on I-95 N/US-17 N in Jasper County from US-278 W and SC-462 W
Continue on I-95 N. (odd number) ….mercifully for only 57 miles.
Take I-26 W, (even number) east west
I-77 N, (odd number)
I-81 N (odd – north south) and finally (eventually?) – Hotel stop, either Staunton or Harrisonburg Va. There are good Italian restaurants handy in both.
I-80 E (even -east west)
380- N and then local roads
Our journey begins early, 8:30ish. Margaret brings a few NY Times crossword puzzles to work on. I am usually helpful when asked for assistance but occasionally she asks for a 5-letter word based on a clue. I give her a 4-letter word that fits the clue and advise that she just color in the empty square. She ignores me. Typically, we listen to an audio book, always a mystery, with occasional music, occasional exclamations of “ooh look’, occasional chatting, occasional silence, and the occasional angst filled query, “were we supposed to turn left back there?”.
While listening and chatting, we make observations. There is lots to see. So off we go. We know the colors so we’ve memorized the signage and even if we can’t read it from a distance we know that Green is an exit, Blue – Gas, Lodging, Food. There is usually one blue for food, another for lodging and usually the last before the exit is fuel. Blue can also indicate a rest stop also. Those Brown signs are for Attractions and yellow is some kind of warning. Half of a sign indicates either a wayward truck or a low flying airplane.
Ooh look, Next Exit Green sign. We will then learn of opportunities for “Lodging”, “Food”, “Fuel”, and intermittently for “Attractions”. Trailer parks are attractions as are museums, distilleries, wineries, campgrounds, caves, and amusement parks which also get brown signs plus their own billboards. If all signs of any color are blank before an exit, don’t get off the highway there is nothing there but banjo music. If lodging, food, gas is all squeezed onto one sign don’t get off unless that coffee/tea you just rented a while back is seeking release.
Ooh look, there’s another RV. In late March, early April, America hits the road and there are RVs, motor homes and 5th wheel trailers of all sizes and shapes galore, which begs the question, “how much does gas cost for that thing?” Gas must be even more expensive depending on what’s in tow. Particularly impressive is the RV towing a car with bikes mounted on the back of the car and the kayaks on the roof of the car or a large motorboat in lieu of a car. and These people have it all covered. We’ll see all of the above plus some folks throw in a motorcycle or two in tow also. While writing this travelogue, I looked up gas milage for the vehicles or trailers and found typically a Class A Motorhome-those giant things….6–8 MPG, Class C Motorhome – not so giant ……10–13 MPG, Class B Campervan - less giant than not so giant……5–18 MPG, Travel Trailer – in tow so this is your car getting the 2–16 MPG. They create a credit card expanding/exploding extravaganza. I also took note of the brands. We saw Airstreams, Coachman, Alliance, Forest River but not one Winnebago on our most recent trip. I thought Winnebago was THE RV company. We note that parking areas for expensive Class A Motor Homes are now referred to as Motor Courts (brown sign). How soon we forget. During the 1950’s cheap motels advertised themselves as Motor Courts. RV parks and campgrounds, KOA, for the riff raff are listed as attractions a mile or so before the pertinent exit from the highway. There was also that billboard advertising “33 football fields of RVs”. Not sure if they are for sale or a Tik Tok challenge to see how many RVs can fit on a football field. What an age we live in.
Ooh look! An express lane. These EZ pass lanes, in North Carolina it is called “NC. Quick Pass”, help to avoid the Charlotte traffic clogs. You pay but it’s worth it. We zoom up the almost empty express lanes while admiring the traffic congestion on the local I 77 lanes. Same traffic jams as up North but different accents.
Continuing north. Ooh look! A truck sales dealership. Dozens and dozens of trucks. How do they sell all those trucks? Do they lease them? Rent them? Truck sales dealerships cling to the sides of the interstate like barnacles. There seem to be acres at every dealership. Peterbilt, Kenworth, whatever happened to Mack? There also seem to be hundreds of truck carrier companies so does it all balance out? Does the number of trucks equal the number of trailers? I worry about these things. “Another load from Amazon is on its way”. And, ooh look, another car dealership. They are placed in clusters and seem to take up entire counties. Acres of Ford next to Chevrolet, next to Toyota, next to Nissan next to Carvana. I think about going to Carvana, looking at their four see-through glass stories with elevators of stacked autos and saying “Can I see the one at the top?”. You know if a town is on the wealthier side if there is a Lexus, or BMW, or Mercedes dealership
From the Department of Tasteless Architectural Monoliths “ooh look, it’s another warehouse”. For obvious reasons, it is smart to build a warehouse near a major highway, especially an interstate. These dystopian insults to the landscape are uniformly enormous and ugly and as they loom over and obscure the horizon remind one to alter Joyce Kilmer’s poem to “I think that I shall never see a warehouse lovely as a tree. Indeed, unless the warehouses fall, I may never see a tree at all.” Every year more and more pop up like pustules oozing trucks onto the facial landscape.
Ooh look! Speaking of ectoparasites, (see above), a condominium development. You can substitute condo developments for warehouses. The designers must have all attended The Online School of Cookie Cutter Rectangles and Blandness. Ugly condo development after ugly condo development competing with ugly warehouses forming excrescences on the Earth’s surface. Really, there must be a limited number of condo architects since you will see the same design in different states. Soviet Era Communist building design was clearly an inspiration. Some condo developments with a faux Middle Ages vibe would seem to be useful in defending against sieges of trebuchet attacks. Many condominium blocks look like they just added windows and ersatz pointed roofs to warehouses. Ooh look! It’s a housing development or is it subdivision? One design, 200 houses all looking directly at each other. They’ll get around to planting trees eventually. Ooh look, they’ve cleared acres of land adjoining the highway. How will they cover this scar on the landscape? A warehouse? Condominiums? Housing subdivision? A mall? We’ll find out next year. Marg and I agree that whatever it is, it won’t be good.
Ooh look, a Noise Barrier Wall. Thank the Noise Control Act of 1972, which, according to the EPA, "[e]stablishes a national policy to promote an environment for all Americans free from noise that jeopardizes their health and welfare." Now read that again and keep a straight face. Highway noise is made up of three different elements. One is the sound of tires on the road. Another is the engine and exhaust noises. The third is noise produced by vehicles moving through the air. There is a fourth which is not listed in the official documents, it is called a crash and is accompanied by sirens. Ooh look! There is another burned out truck lying on its side. The states use complex models to calculate the present and future noise levels of a highway and determine whether noise mitigation is needed. If that turns out to be the case, then barriers will be built — but only if the local community wants them. So, there they are for a few hundred yards and then they just suddenly stop and then they start again somewhere along the line and then they stop and….just like everything else on the interstate.
Ooh look! A billboard. Oodles and oodles of Billboards (I think that I may never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Indeed, unless the billboards fall, I make never see a tree at all”.) Billboards for attractions such as caves but of course they are called “caverns”. Luray Caverns “largest in the Shenandoah Valley”. The bigger the cave cavern, the more billboards it has. There are also the Shenandoah Caverns, the Dixie Caverns, Gap Cave (historically known as King Solomons Cave – how did that past the cavern police?), and more. Everyone gets a billboard. There are restaurant billboards. Clark’s Inn, Santee SC has several beginning 50 miles away. It was clearly inspired by Pedro’s South of the Border which has billboards galore. Oh, there is no end to restaurant billboards. Naturally, every town has several billboards of its own, “Walterboro, Front Porch of the Low Country”. Ooh look, it’s a lawyer billboard. 98% of the lawyers, and there are lots of them, who advertise on billboards are men. Since it is a highway, the lawyers are usually accident or criminal lawyers. “Better call Steve”, “Morgan and Morgan, size matters,” “Pulled over? Call Edward.” “Ron and Lou Will Fight For You”…….There are lawyers for truck accidents, motorcycle accidents but none for forcing you to look at ugly condos. We were so happy to finally see a woman lawyer on a billboard at last. And then another woman lawyer. Whoops, it was the same female lawyer. So were the next five, interspersed with 15 different male lawyers, was the same woman. Realtors also like to use billboards. Male and female, they all have giant, shiny teeth that look like they were painted white and they’re waiting for the teeth to dry as they seem to be posing for a high school yearbook photo. We also like the ones that say “Buc-ees, 350 miles” or “You Can Hold It”. Buc-ees 737 miles. We love Buc-ees but sadly, we don’t pass any as we wend our way north. But maybe that’s a good thing because Buc-ees is a required stop and would lengthen our journey. If you are interested in having a billboard of your own, there are several websites to purchase billboard space. I looked it up. But not while I was driving. The bigger the municipality, the more billboards you will see. There are lots of billboards in Charlotte and Staunton Va. Harrisonburg Va.. Of course institutions of higher learning, James Madison University, Virginia Tech, University of Maryland Global Campus, ……global?.......that must be a really big university, also have billboards. There are billboards that warn against texting and DUI, but people seem to do that anyway which is another reason for the lawyer billboards. Worth noting is a single billboard that relies on people mispronouncing a word….” Uranus Fudge Factory”. It’s on rt. 270 in Ohio on our way to Kettering so it shouldn’t count for this trip north, but it is worth noting. The correct pronunciation is Yur an us……. Emphasis on the first syllable.
Ooh look, oh joy! Now we are seeing more and more digital billboards. Multiple messages, usually in metropolitan areas – Charlotte is a digital billboardian feast - to enjoy while you are stuck in traffic if you didn’t take the Express Lanes. We checked on Digital billboard costs. Renting a digital billboard typically costs $1,500 to $15,000+ per month, but prices scale drastically based on location, traffic, and your share of the loop. Entering New York City (which we don’t) can cost $30,000 per month. Instead of buying the whole display, you buy a fraction of "airtime" (e.g., an 8-second spot every 60 seconds), As for static billboards, the advertising cost varies widely based on location, size, and rental duration. This means the total cost of an advertising campaign can look very different in rural areas compared to major metropolitan areas. Pinning down exact cost was difficult. Ballpark figures are $250 in rural markets to over $10,000+ per month in major metropolitan areas. National averages sit around $3,953 for a four-week period, largely depending on traffic, location, and the type of billboard according to Indeed.com. Many of the billboards on our route have been the same for years so basically, we have no idea of cost.
Ooh look, an Alaska license plate. Ever play license plate Bingo when you were a kid so you didn’t drive your parents insane with “are we there yet?” I still look at them thinking that those license plates from Ontario or Nova Scotia or Maine or Montana have a long way to go. The Florida license plates are a puzzle though. Why leave warmth for coldth?
Ooh look, it’s a Textoid. You can tell because a car or truck in front of you will slow to 50 mph and suddenly speed up to 70. They also enjoy weaving in and out of their traffic lanes. Sometimes they do both at the same time, multitasking. Escape as quickly as you can. Makes one wish for the power of a magic electronic zapper that only we would own. You point it at the textoid’s car or truck and their engine stops.
Ooh look, a rest stop. Whoops, this one is closed, next one is 74 miles. The highway authorities like to plaster a “Closed” across the blue sign. Looks like a giant band aid. You probably only have a 60% chance that a rest stop is not undergoing construction. If you get an early morning start, you’ll notice that trucks that have spent the night have filled all the truck spaces at the rest stop, and they park back onto the entrance way and the exit way and sometimes two or three beyond. There are rest stop signs telling the truckers how many parking spots are left at the rest stop 25 miles away. Rest stops are usually clean, there are parking spots for pet owners, and even picnic tables on which to consume those delicious vending machine snacks. They have giant road maps on the walls of the lobby for those drivers using cars with 40-year-old technology.
Ooh look, a “truck stop”. These fueling stations are essential. They also come in handy after you see “rest stop closed, next rest stop 74 miles”. We call them truck stops but they are really a filling station or, and I love this one, “transport café”. Showers are available at some. Digital signs indicate, “shower available. #64. Yup, few things could be more appealing than taking a shower at a truck stop. Most of these truck stops come with an attached restaurant transport café such as Subway or KFC or Aarby’s, or Wendy’s or Jemima’s Chittlins. The truck stops always contain a convenience store, the quality of which can vary to say the least. Does anyone really eat those corn dogs? How old are the boiled eggs? There are also several brands of petrol station listed on the pre-exit Fuel signs. Fuel prices are important but not an essential consideration. Tea availability for Margaret is non-negotiable No, not that flavored foo foo tea. Real black tea. Of course, it’s nice to have the hot water for your tea and many stops have mastered the art of hiding the hot water spigot and that can require an intensive search. Some even hide the tea. As one employee explained to us, the Eastern European truck drivers who communicate their needs via iPhone, like tea. They may occasionally empty the entire tea compartment and take the tea with them so if you don’t find tea bags, normal tea bags, ask at the counter. They may have them hidden there depending on how many Eastern European truck drivers pass through. Another essential for Margaret is milk for the tea, real milk - not gun powder or a viscous flavored liquid - or half and half with an expiration date of April 2047 and as often or not that is all you are offered. Margaret has learned to bring a small container of milk in our small cooler just in case. So, real tea and milk and rest rooms are the driving forces for our stops. We’ve learned that Sheetz, Loves, sometimes Pilot are the most dependable. Size of the stop is also important. If diesel is listed as available that usually means truck stop with a larger emporium. A small building usually means a dirty restroom. The correlation between tea and coffee consumption (me) and the brand of gas station or availability of rest stops (Closed. Next Rest Stop 74 miles) is vital to on highway sign interpretation. Food is always available at the better stops, and we’ll get a trail bar but that’s it. But those hot dog griller rollers do look so appetizing as they turn over and over, for hours, don’t they? Pizza also looks handy for wrapping gifts. As for the sandwiches? We’re neither brave nor desperate enough although many doctors advertise on billboards in case you get food poisoning. Have you noticed that when you find the fuel station that meets your requirements and you pull into the right lane anticipating the exit with a mile to go you always end up behind a car or truck driven by a semifinalist in the County Highway Slow Driving Contest. Same goes for rest stops. “Closed. Next Rest Stop 74 miles”. Also beware of Gas station or restaurant false advertising. You pull off the highway looking for the Exxon station. There is a little arrow saying fuel to the right and it turns out the fuel is 3 miles from your exit. Did that a couple of times years ago. Nowadays, if we don’t see the giant tower with the gas station name of the gas station itself, we don’t even consider it.
Ooh look!, a cluster of restaurants. We rarely stop for a meal while enroute. We used to have lunch at Cracker Barrel or Panera but now we just want to get to our destination. We’ll eat at a restaurant near our hotel. We’re members of Choice Hotels, Marriot, and Hilton Honors . So, after deciding on and reserving a hotel (always a day or so in advance) and proximity to rt. 81 (essential), we research nearby restaurants and the menus. Since a drink will be in order after a long drive, the wine menu must be perused. Our limit, if possible, is one mile from the hotel. Walking to the restaurant is preferred. We’ve already done enough driving thank you. Lodging signs with several hotels listed are usually a good indicator that restaurants, and we’re not talking fast food here, are nearby. A choice of restaurants is a good reason to stop and spend the night at Harrisonburg or Staunton after 8 or 9 hours of driving.
Ooh Look! It’s a “truck tie” ahead of us. Always fun when one truck, referred to as the “passer,” attempts to pass another truck, the “passee”, on a long incline and it can’t muster the speed or energy to pass but ends up side by side with the passee on a two-lane highway and we have a “truck tie”. All the rest of us are clogged behind them. Speaking of long inclines, those in the Blue Ridge Mountains all seem to be much longer going up than coming back down and that’s in both directions.
Ooh look! It’s a wide load convoy. The flatbed is carrying something the size of an aircraft carrier. There is a small car with a magnetic sign, “wide load”, just behind because otherwise how would we know? There is also a “wide load” car in front so when you are bewitched by the beauty of the warehouses and condos and not paying attention, you know a wide load, frequently carrying a house, is sneaking up behind you and it is time to speed up. We especially like the “mystery” wide load. It is covered by a tarp, and you try to guess what it is by the shape under the tarp. Hours of endless fun.
Ooh look! A state trooper with eyes in the back of his head. He has pulled over some miscreant for a violation. He is facing the miscreant’s car with his back to the highway. He cannot see the cars on the highway. Passing cars slow to the speed limit just in case he has, yes, eyes in the back of his head. This process of slowing down unnecessarily is affectionately called “rubber necking”. There is an accident on the other side of the highway going south. It only takes a few geniuses (probably the same people that watch Reality Shows) to slow down to observe the action and the rest of us pay the price, sometimes in miles. Speaking of accidents or construction in the opposite direction of the highway, you see the traffic backed up for miles. As you progress, you note the oncoming cars approaching unawares that he mess is just up ahead and feel sorry for them. You know what they’re in for. They don’t. One wonders if, when that occurs to us and we’re heading unknowingly for a massive jam, do folks on the other side feel the same way as I do? And that brings us to Waze and Apple Maps. A “Police ahead” announcement from Waze or Siri means break lights from most Wazers in front of you. It’s how you identify them. Sometimes it’s the trooper with eyes on the back of his head. Sometimes it’s a police car parked on the median. Sometimes there is nothing there anymore, but some people slow down in case its invisible. You can also identify the Wazers in front of you when you get a “traffic delay” alert from Waze with a suggested alternate route. Quite a few cars take the same exit as us. We now have a convoy of “go one mile, left 4 miles, left at the traffic light 7 miles, five miles right to the Stop Sign and left 150 ft. onto I 81”.
I gave my Waze voice an Australian accent, so we may stop at a traffic “loit” and make a “roit” turn. I originally named her Sacajawea, but she has become Wazetta. Always trust Wazetta, even if you’re cruising along and she says, in effect “get off” and there is clear sailing in front of you. Get off! Follow her instructions! We have ignored her in the past and learned the hard and in a very time-consuming way. We also use Apple Maps, Siri as a double check. If Wazetta alerts us to traffic delays 5 miles ahead, we also check with Siri or vice versa. Keeping the Australian theme going, I have given Siri a male Australian accent. I call him Crocodile Dundee. He also advises “make a roit turn at the traffic loit”.
Ooh look! The sign indicates “road work ahead”. Road is correct. Ahead is correct. “Work” can be problematical. Sometimes despite Wazetta or Crocodile Dundee, you get stuck as multiple lanes merge to single lanes. Then Wazetta or Crocodile helpfully informs that you will be stuck in traffic for 15 minutes. Watching the minute estimates decrease or increase as you crawl along help pass the time. You also have time to take a close look at the “road work” that is causing the delay. Apparently, the effort consists of workers sitting around or 5 guys watching 1 guy dig or wearing hard hats while looking at plans or having lunch. Possibly, they are putting out traffic cones 5 miles before lane closings or sitting in earth movers while texting as one guy digs and five guys watch. Best of all, 10 or so parked heavy machinery or earth movers with not a worker in sight. They are doing major work adding lanes to I 95. There are piles and piles of rubble at the side of the road. How will they clean it up? Where do they take it? Sometimes they just cover it with dirt and drivers of the future will admire those grassy hills at the side of the road.
Ooh look, it’s an Eastern Redbud. A certain harbinger of spring is the Eastern Redbud, (Cercis canadensis) a small, deciduous tree 20-30 ft. high and native to eastern North America. It has vibrant pink to purple flowers that bloom in early spring before the leaves appear and supplies a cheering burst of color to brown in a landscape that has gone from vibrant green to barely green to mostly brown to bare as you drive north. Ooh look, it’s an “Architect tree” aka Bradford Pear Tree. They also appear as we head north into West Virginia and Maryland and even southern Pa. Nice white flowers but they seem to be an invasive species as every year we see groves of them that have taken root along borders of the highway. We see more each year. But still, they offer some color as we plow into the increasing gloom heading north. Nicer than condos or housing developments.
Ooh look, it’s a farm. Lots of farms with assorted silos and barns of all sizes and rows and rows of green things we can’t identify or lots of cows all along the route. Cows are the prevailing livestock as you drive north. Sometimes all the cows are black with the occasional brown or brown and even white one for diversity. The cows can evidently tell time. You see them all walking back to the barn around 4:00. Not many farms with sheep but they throw in a black one or two for diversity amongst the white ones. Sheep don’t walk back to the barn. They don’t seem to go anywhere. There are horse farms just to keep things interesting.
Ooh look, it’s the backs of malls. The fronts are on local roads. These backs look like warehouses, but they have the store signs facing the highway, so you know it’s the back of a T.J Maxx. By law, every mall must have a T.J Maxx.
Ooh look, a golf course. I observe if it is busy and note to Margaret, “the boys are out on the links”. She could care less.
Ooh look, a river. You see them off to the left or right and you drive over them via a bridge and mostly you don’t know the names. Sometimes they are identified, sometimes not. The Shenandoah Valley has a river, the Shenandoah River. Wow! Caves Caverns and rivers. What could be bad? There are also, the Catawba, the Kanawha (say Catawba/Kanawha fast three times) Rivers and my favorite, the Coosawhatchie River. Such a great name. I look at the houses on the riverbanks and wonder about flooding. I’m such an optimist. Ooh look, there are lakes, Lake Norman in North Carolina is enormous and looks to be on the verge of being overdeveloped. Thoughtful planners have even stuck those ugly condos nearby.
Ooh look! It’s the Coosawatchie sign. The Coosawatchie sign is a happy sign when you are going to Hilton Head. It is the exit from which you exit I95. The Coosawatchie sign becomes Goodbye Hilton Head when you enter I95 heading north. I like the word Coosawatchie. I also like the word Tchoupitoulas, it’s a street in New Orleans but we don’t pass that. Yes, I am completely normal.
Ooh look, a church. Lots of churches of assorted sizes and shapes. The parking lots are always full of cars on Sundays down south. A good sign. That means restaurant parking lots will be full. Don’t even try Cracker Barrel on a Sunday morning.
Ooh look! Didn’t we pass that yellow pickup towing a motorboat a while ago? Yes it’s Familiar car/truck/RV Leap Frog. You pass a notable truck or car or RV. You exit at a Rest Stop or Gas Station. Later on in the ride, you pass them again or they pass you and then one or the other of you disappears from one or the other and you see a truck with a back loader and you note it and you pass and you Rest Stop and then 20 minutes later, there it is. Fascinating.
It’s been a long trip and distances and times can get distorted. Only 100 miles? That’s close. Three hours? Not bad. By I80, we’ve had enough though. We occasionally discover the villain in our audio book as we are leaving I80 but sometimes we don’t and the book will wait until our next lengthy trip. Don’t tell anyone but we’re pretty good with mysteries and have usually figured it out way before the “big reveal”. Hey, on a 14-hour drive, all of the above helps pass the time.
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”………George Carlin
As promised, a quiz – Which highway numbers go East/West? Which highway numbers go North/South? Which area of the country has the highest highway numbers? Extra Credit – Which interstate was described as an “execrable mess” in the essay? No, you cannot answer “all of them”.
Sources:
https://www.fhwa.dot.gov/infrastructure/50interstate.cfm;
https://americanhistory.si.edu/explore/exhibitions/america-on-the-move/online/interstate-10
