“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in that fakakta computer, that we are underlings”……… Cassius, Julius Caesar (Yiddish version)
Apologies to William Shakespeare….
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Frustration…….The feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.
There you are merrily typing and internet surfing, internet researching and internet shopping including 3D virtual try ons, and just internet internetting away and suddenly everything comes to an abrupt halt. There it is. Error Code 404……”Not found.” Amelia Earhart, Jimmy Hoffa, D.B Cooper, Henry Hudson, Montezuma’s Treasure, and The Roanoke Colony are not found either. How did we/you get to this frustrating tempted to bang your head on the machine and throw it out the window unfortunate situation? Blame Tim Berners-Lee. In 1989 Sir Tim Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Web while at CERN, the European Particle Physics Laboratory, aka the place that makes tiny, tiny, itty bitty things like protons go really really fast through miles long tunnels. On April 30, 1993, four years after publishing a proposal for “an idea of linked information systems,” computer scientist Berners Lee released the source code for the world’s first web browser and editor thus making it free in the public domain. The original name, Mesh, lacks a certain cachet so he named the browser the Worldwide Web. The web was originally conceived and developed to meet the demand for automated information-sharing between scientists in universities and institutes around the world. Now we have Instagram and Tik Tok and Influencers. Berners-Lee imagined using hypertext plus the Internet to create a global “public square” where anyone, anywhere, anytime, could communicate anything. We noticed that on the initial announcement via email that the WWW would be free to all includes a link that says ………“Help 101”.
Berners-Lee also came up with HTTP, which stands for Hypertext Transfer Protocol and so we dive into alphabet soup of computerese.. HTTP status codes were first established by the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) in 1992. Berners-Lee based the HTTP status codes on FTP (File Transfer Protocol) status codes, which were already well established by 1990.
"When you write code for a new system, you don’t waste too much time writing long messages for the situations in which you detect an error,” said Robert Cailliau, a pioneer of the World Wide Web, with Berners-Lee, of the hypertext structure that led to the web.
“Memory was at the time a large issue, and long messages were seen as impractical.
So the solution was straightforward: designate numerical ranges for error categories.” And this was done, according to Cailliau, "according to the whims of the programmer."
Not long after it appeared, the 404 error code began to enjoy, and at the same time, endure, its share of popularity. HTTP/3 is the latest version of HTTP, which was published in 2022.
None of which helps us when we come to a sudden crash on our phone, notebook or desktop.
Pay attention! 404 is an HTTP status code. Every time someone visits a web page, you, via the browser, you are requesting data from a server. A server is a computer program or device that provides a service to another computer program and its user, also known as the client. Quite often you are the client, just like with a lawyer or the hairdresser you are the client. But before the web page can be displayed, the web server has to send the HTTP header first. The HTTP header contains the status code of said page and will convey essential details like the client browser, requested page, and server with each HTTP request or response, all of which takes place faster than you can read this.
When a specific HTTP request has been successfully completed, it is given by the HTTP response status codes. The process takes seconds while your device shows the spinning circle or hourglass. The evil, “404 not found” error is an HTTP status code that indicates that the browser was able to communicate with a given server, but the server could not find what was requested. Not finding something on line can be similar to to a real-life experience of when you went to the library to request the book, Cooking and Contemplating with Soren Kierkegaard. They couldn't find it. The computer error may also occur if the URL, (Uniform Resource Locator), is not recognized in the browser. Don’t you hate to go without recognition? All you care about is that you can’t get the stupid information you requested and might need, and your work has come to a halt or worse…..it’s gone. While the dreaded 404 is the most common error code, be of good cheer. As of this writing there are 15,841 Error Codes. That’s just Windows. Then there are Apple Error Codes. We counted 167 but if we miscounted that would be Error Code 1+2=5
When you get there or don’t get there as the case may be, responses are grouped into five classes.
· Codes beginning with 1 are for a process that's happening but hasn't finished yet. Spinning circle or hourglass. You probably won’t see this one.
Codes beginning with 2 are for a process that was successfully completed. You probably won’t see this one either.
· Codes beginning with 3 are for a process that hasn't completed because you need to do something more on your end…..for example you left out your zip code for your address or you forgot to check the agree box under all that incomprehensible prose in size 5 font. Remember, the most common lie on the planet Earth is “I have read the terms and conditions.” “Agree”
· Codes beginning with 4 are for a process that didn't work because you did something wrong on your end. Silly you.
· Codes beginning with 5 are for a process that didn't work because something went wrong on the remote server's end. Silly them.
· Codes beginning with 6 –Well, actually there are no “6” Error Codes. We added this one for Unforced Errors as you will soon see.
It boils down to:
1xx Informational
2xx Successful
3xx Redirection i.e 301 Moved Permanently, or 302 Found
4xx Client Error i.e “401 Unauthorized” or, our favorite, “404 Not Found”, or 410 “Gone”.
5xx Server Error i.e 500 Internal Server Error” or “502 Bad Gateway” or 503 “Bad Bad Gateway”
6xx Unforced Error –Self inflicted Just like in tennis when you hit an easy return of serve and it conks the ball girl in the head.
As we have seen, individual numbers were assigned in the order that made the most sense at the time.
So 400’s are the most basic “your-end errors”, meaning the code was bungled and couldn't be understood, sort of like trying to understand cryptocurrency.
401-403 mean "you're not allowed to look at this." i.e. the “Puritan Error Code”. 401 means "you're not allowed to look at this because you didn't identify yourself properly." 402 wasn't implemented but would have meant "you're not allowed to look at this because you didn't pay." You’ll always pay in some way, won’t you?
403 means "you're not allowed to look at this, even if you did identify yourself properly. We’ll call this the Government Secret Code.
Then 404, which means the address you typed in wasn't found. So far as the system is concerned, you typed in the wrong address. (Yes, it might have once existed, or it might be down, but at the moment your input is what looks to be wrong.)
Should this occur, the Tech Target website advises you to:
· 1. Double-check the URL for typos. Only one mistyped character can result in a 404 error. For example, check whether .htm should be .html or vice versa.
· 2.Refresh the webpage. 404 errors might be a momentary glitch. This is basically a “do over”.
· 3. Search the web. Try to find the page through a web search, since it may have moved to a different URL.
· 4.Use another device. It is possible there is a client error or issue with the user's browser. If the page works on another device, clear the first device's cache and cookies.
· 5.Go to the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine. Users can access this site to see what a specific URL looked like in the past.
And we add:
· 6. Attack computer/iPad/phone with ball peen hammer and then jump up and down and stomp the computer/iPad/phone.
Frustration and occasionally panic set in. How to fix this. “I was at the computer for 2 hours today. 10 minutes of work and the rest of the time figuring out and then fixing an Error Code.”
Unfortunately, sometimes all you get is the system error code but nothing about what the code means! Once you know what the code means (below), you can then work on fixing the problem. When you look at a website, your web browser must find the server where the website's data is stored. Then it must bring the data onto your computer and assemble it on your screen for you to use. There are a lot of things that can happen when you do this. Some are good, some are bad. To keep them in order and make them useful, we have the error codes.
No, 404 is not one worse than 403 error or one better than a 405 error.
For a normal web page, the status is "200 OK". Visitors of the web that see a web page up and running. You won't see this status code because the server proceeds by sending the visitor the contents of the requested page. Status codes are only visible when errors happened somewhere.
In the interest of public service and always anxious to help, we have produced some sample Error Codes that you may encounter in the Cyber World
Error Code –408 (minus 1) (Mistakes you made on your end) ….”Call Your Bank”. – The consequence of changing your credit/debit card on 7 accounts and forgetting to change it on the 8th account you use for auto pay.
Error Code 600.12 …Unforced Errors (self inflicted)……Results when you go on line to diagnose your illness or pain instead of calling a doctor and find you have pneumonia, tuberculosis, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Bubonic Plague, heart disease, acid reflux, dementia, a fungal infection and halitosis.
· Error Code 476…… results from failing to check that autocorrect has autocorrected you incorrectly. You wrote crutch. Autocorrect changed it to crotch. Or, you wrote He’ll. Autocorrect changed it to Hell. 476. Our neighbor texted her friend in Florida to plan dinner. She wondered if she ever had alligator? She had. Our neighbor, Jan, asked if it tasted like chicken? She sent back,” WHAT!!!???” Autocorrect sent her ,” tastes like children".
· Error Code 608 – Unforced Errors ……Failure to use spell check or grammar check for your emails or social media posts. Makes you look stoopid.
· Error Code 609 –Unforced Errors….. Everything on the internet must be true. Right?
· Error Code 600.1 – Unforced Errors…..Using your birthday as a password. Using the word “password” as your password is even worse.
· Error Code 611 – Unforced Errors – “2 Good 2 Be True” results from not checking the “sender” of that email. It’s from Amazon.com/Chang Wu Fu/. “There is an error in your delivery details, send us your credit card and Social Security numbers, sincerely, the Amazon Team.”
· Error Code 452 Minus 7 – You have completed your 3rd book, but you forgot to save Chapter 7. It’s gone. We know someone who did this. Right Dr. Brian Cafarella?
· Error Code 444 – You’ve gone to Kindle Publishing, published your book and then afterwards you notice that (your) sloppy editing in several of the essays contains “notes to self” with a thought list for organizing the essay. You can’t change it. “No Backsies”. You have to wait until it is published. Then you have to wait, wait, wait and wait some more. Finally, you can go in and change it and have it published again. Meanwhile the thousands of people who purchase the book will see “notes to self”. This never happened to me.
· Error Code 3 + Code 404, aka the “Procrastination Code” - Ignoring software updates. I’ll do it tomorrow.
· Error Code 313 – Not completed. Failure to back up your data/computer. The save button is there for a reason.
· Error Code 100/FBI – Informational as your screen tells you, “You haven’t gotten any error messages lately. Here is a random one just to let you know that we’re watching. “Thank you”, Sincerely, Alexa
· Error Code 662 – Unforced - Self Inflicted Successfully completed. ………”You’ve won a 55” TV set and an iPhone!” Click the link below.” Giving out personal information. Especially about credit card numbers, bank account numbers, and banking information to suspicious websites.
· Error Code 662.1. Unforced - Self Inflicted…………Using public WIFI for personal information. Yup, just put your credit card number on that clothing order you made at the coffee shop.
· Error Code 662.2 -– Successfully completed. Unforced. Error Code 2 +2 = Dumb………Whoops, you put too much Personal Information and or photos on social media. Appears to inordinately affect adolescents, Gen Z and Millenials.
· Error Code 662.3 – Self Inflated. You hit “reply all” on the email and your reply included a reference to someone on the list as “a slut”.
· Error Code 662.4 - Self Inflicted. Getting into arguments with people on social media, especially with strangers. This is also known as the “George Bernard Shaw Code” as he famously said, “Never wrestle with a pig because you'll both get dirty and the pig likes it.”
· Error Code 301.1 – Redirection. The screen informs you, “Oy Vey! – Give it up.”
· Error Code 505 – Server Error Your screen informs you that “Keyboard not responding. Press any key to continue.”
· Error Code 412 -Client Error – Your screen gets annoyed and notes “ You really botched it up this time”….. “Check. “I Know” or “What Else is New?” or “It’s a new computer, please give me one more chance while I call Tech Support”.
· Error Code 506 – Your screen informs you that “Something happened, but it’s a secret.”
· Error Code 507 – Your screen informs you that your “Task failed successfully.”
· Error Code 508 – Your screen informs you that “An error occurred while displaying the previous error.”
· Error Code 509 – Your screen informs you “Sorry, I have to ask you to use a different browser.” Or it reads, "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that"
· Error Code 420+520 – Error, Error, The Compound Error …….Two wrongs definitely not making a right, they will just result in taking a longer time to get back to where you started.
· Error Code Infinity – Computer begins to emit smoke. Screen reads, “This Is Worse Than Bad. Oy gevalt, we didn't realize there was a scale.”
· Error Code 515 – Screen suggests “User Error, Replace User”
· Error Code 911 – Your screen cheerfully informs, “Proceeding with the operation. “Delete” will erase the contents of your hard drive. Proceed or delete?”
“We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies - it is the first law of nature “ Voltaire
We know that the use technology regularly involves a Sisyphean battle with that computer/smart phone (“smart phone”, now there is an oxymoron) computer, which is always trying to get the upper hand over you and show you who is in charge. Research conducted by Morten Hertzum and Kasper Hornbæk from the Universities of Roskilde and Copenhagen in Denmark asked users to report each instance in which the computer provoked feelings of frustration, and the logged frustration episodes amount to an amazing 11% of users’ computing time. As a public service (similar to Berners-Lee making the WWW free), we have developed a mantra for you to repeat while your processor is taking an inordinate amount of time processing or telling you that it is not in the mood to process at this time. Do the following: while staring at the screen or error message, touch your left index finger to your left thumb and your right index finger to your right thumb and chant “exasperation, annoyance, anger, vexation, irritation, disappointment, dissatisfaction, discontent, and aggravation as I sit here at this station”. You can try it while gritting your teeth. Don’t you feel better? If not, it is Error Code 400/500 Client/Server Error…..Solution Not Found.
Sources:
https://umbraco.com/knowledge-base/http-status-codes/
Spencer Kimball
** Cyril Connelly
(https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/AppleScript/Conceptual/AppleScriptLangGuide/reference/ASLR_error_codes.html
https://www.pingdom.com/blog/the-5-most-common-http-errors-according-to-google/
https://www.hongkiat.com/blog/40-funny-error-messages-youve-never-seen-before/
Photo. https://www.throughthewoodstherapy.com/frustration/
